Station security footage and eyewitness accounts describe a chaotic scene on Tuesday night after a detained man—identified only as “The Yelling Guy” by officers—slipped his cuffs and caused a full-station panic.
“He Just… Stood Up and Snapped Them.”
Officers say the man had been seated near the holding cells when he suddenly tensed up, twisted his wrists, and broke free from the handcuffs with a metallic crack described by one officer as “like a soda can exploding, but angrier.”
Another officer told reporters:
“We all froze. We’ve never seen someone break cuffs like that without tools. He looked at us and yelled something about ‘destiny’… or ‘dentistry.’ Hard to tell.”
Yelling Heard Across the Entire Station
As soon as he stood up, the man launched into an unrelenting shout-fest, pacing the hallway while screaming an assortment of phrases including:
- “THIS ISN’T EVEN MY FINAL FORM!”
- “WHO BOUGHT THE WRONG CHEESE?!”
- and the instant-classic viral line: “I’M NOT GOING BACK TO TUESDAY!”
Within minutes, officers initiated what one witness called a “carefully panicked coordinated response”, attempting to redirect the man back toward the cells without escalating the situation.
Cops Admit: They Were Worried
One officer, speaking anonymously, said:
“Look, when a guy breaks the cuffs and starts shouting about the fabric of reality… yeah, you get worried.”
Another admitted they briefly questioned whether they were dealing with a normal suspect or “some kind of gym-powered wizard.”
Internet Reactions Go WILD
Security footage snippets leaked online almost immediately, and the internet did what it does best:
- #CuffCrusher hit 3 million views in an hour
- Edits of the man yelling have been remixed into house music
- Someone already launched a “NOT GOING BACK TO TUESDAY” merch line
- A bodybuilding forum declared him an honorary “Level 10 Wrist Titan”
The Aftermath
Officers eventually managed to contain the man using “strategic calming techniques,” which witnesses say involved three officers, a beanbag chair, and a surprisingly soothing playlist of 90s soft rock.
No injuries were reported—aside from the handcuffs, which “did not survive.”
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